I've just realized that I, much like Jules in the diner scene from pulp fiction, am in a transitional stage in my life. I remember hearing jokes and stories about old guys sitting on the toilet eating a bowl of bran. The punchline was always "eliminate the middle man, just throw the bran in the toilet." It makes me wonder: I wonder what middlemen in my life I can get rid of. I wonder if there's anything internally that can be expedited. Not food related mind you, I'm talking about mental processes, programs, habits and the like.
No one is perfect, especially not me. So I know there must be stuff in there cluttering up the way things work, but I can't seem to find any errant code running amok in my head. I know it's there because I can see the end results of the messed up coding in my everyday life.
It's everywhere. It shows up every time I procrastinate, every time I overact being confused or playing dumb when I'm only moderately not up to speed. I see it when I get all emo and butt hurt over stupid crap, and I really see it every time I get jealous. Which I've recently (re)discovered is more a blanket term for a whole mess of stupid emotions. I'm trying to unlearn being jealous, since it is after all just a learned behavior, but it's not easy.
So, if I see all these myriad effects of faulty wiring up there, why can't I identify a single cable that needs to be cut or spliced? Not a single middle-man that needs to be booted out of the program?
I suppose the good thing is that now I recognize these issues so that I can better deal with them, and finding the faulty wiring will just be something that takes time. On the upside, I still have lots of time. So, I'm going to go sit on the toilet and eat a bowl of Trix now while I contemplate my own inner subroutines.
